July 2012
1 post
nightmare
I keep having a variation on the same nightmare I had since I was a child.
Tonight it was about me visiting my mother’s cousin, except he lived in a house out in the country. For some reason he lived there with my sister and his own children. He put me in the worst room - something about it felt off. And then I felt all these vacant stares because none of them were who they said they were....
June 2012
5 posts
back at one
one, you’re like a dream come true
two, just wanna be with you
three, girl it’s plain to see, you’re the only one for me
he played this song as he held me in his arms and stroked my hair and face
how could a girl not melt
New best thing ever
Pineapple chobani. NOM.
March 2012
2 posts
Wonder
I wonder what it would be like to be loved, not used, by a significant other.
I wonder what it would be like to have my father back in my life.
I wonder if I can ever forgive my sister.
I wonder if I’ve distanced myself from my own mother.
I wonder if I’ll always be this alone.
I wonder if I’ll be able to manage the depression I’m hiding once I start working.
I wonder...
3 tags
Now here you go again — you say you want your freedom. Well, who am I to...
– Fleetwood Mac
February 2012
19 posts
4 tags
Racing thoughts
I can’t calm my mind down. So many thoughts and memories are ready to steal the sleep away from me as soon as I close my eyes. First I feel him on top of me in that moment when he took what was his. Then I hear his voice like it came through the phone two days ago, husky and deep. Then I see the flecks of gold in his dark brown eyes. Then I smell the scent of him, just him, the sweat and the...
I don't know
Date the boy who makes significantly less money than me, who I like, but who has a kid by his ex?
Or be alone, nursing an old and diseased past relationship, dwelling in the past and being nothing in the present, but holding out for a better future?
I've come to the conclusion that I'm crazy
Or my life is crazy.
My doorman asked me out the day after Valentine’s Day. I said yes, and then I realized what I did and cancelled on him.
I’m a horrible person.
I also think too much.
i fucking hate mysdldf
i don’t care anymore
i hurt everyone i love and don’t deserve to live
useless fat piece of shit
useless
fat
shit
hate myself
os so sosososos much
i dhsouldn’t drink anymore
hello world
unfortunately i just don;t give a fuck anymre
6 tags
December 2011
47 posts
36660) He broke up with me.
confessionsabouteatingdisorders:
I loved him so much and he made me feel as if my body was perfect. Now I can’t eat much and all I wanna do is shrink and slowly disappear to see if he’ll notice. I guess I thought my ED was over, but this is probably just the beginning.
This sums it up.
Weigh in
My scale said 154.5 yesterday and 155.5 today… :(
Does this mean I actually gained a pound? I weighed myself LATER in the day yesterday. Today I weighed myself right after waking up and peeing.
I am so confused. How is this possible?
3 tags
4 tags
3 tags
3 tags
Just one of those days
I want to curl up into a ball of nothing,
turn into air,
vanish,
stop hurting,
stop being hurt.
90 minute hot vinyasa yoga
My first 90 min class. Wish me luck!
I wonder what this means
One of my good friends says that the reason I can’t find a guy I like is that I’m “emotionally unavailable.”
All that I am, all that I ever was, are here in your perfect eyes. They’re...
– Snow Patrol
and I realized I loved someone who could never...